How to Approach a Pro Dominant

You’ve decided you want to serve but you don’t know how to approach a pro dominant. You want it so bad you can feel your stomach go fluttery, your palms sweat, and you cant stop thinking about it. The desire to be in service has overtaken every other want and you just have to find someone to scratch that itch. Welcome. However, before you approach a Dominant, there are some things you should know and, if you take these things into consideration, your chances of getting what you want will increase exponentially.

Know Thyself

Before you approach, know who you are and what you want. This is gonna take being really fucking honest with yourself – a new concept for some of you. Yes, it means being open and vulnerable about some shit that you might not want other people to know. However, until you know what you do want, you can’t ask for it and Dominants aren’t mind readers.

This also means doing a little bit of research. Know what your Kinks and your Hard Limits are. I cannot tell you how many times a would-be-sub has approached and said they have no limits. My response-
Oh, you’re cool with me amputating your cock and making you eat it with a side of dog shit? Nah? I didn’t think so. Wanna know something – what I just said, someone, more than one someone, out there is into it.

Now that you know what you want, check it against your budget. Do you have the budget to become a personal slave to a pro (a luxury) or do you need to order something off the value menu? Having a small budget doesn’t mean you can’t have a Pro Dominant experience but it will mean that your kind of experience might not be the one of your ultimate dreams just like dreaming of a Ferrari but not having the cash might mean you get less car but you’re still driving.

If you don’t have at least a tribute (usually around $25) plus enough for an hour of a Dominant’s time (at least in the $100 range), do not approach. Instead, check out their sites – website, fan sites, social media, phone sex sites they’re on, etc. What can you afford from their menu of pre-made offerings? Maybe a subscription? A photo or video package? Something to get you going while you save up for a session later on. These little snippets will also help you to decide if this is the Dominant for you.

How to Approach

So you know what you want and don’t want, did you research, checked your budget, and maybe even perused the Dominant’s sites and tried out a few of their offerings. You are feeling ready to approach.

Pause

Do you know what to say? Please don’t be crawling up into their DMs or inbox with some nonsense like a greeting full of typos and misspellings we can barely understand or a dick pic or just “Hi.” We get them EVERY DAY. All Day. Not only will you not stand out from the crowd but you might be put on block automatically or illicit wrath from someone you’re hoping to start a professional D/s relationship with.

Double check the Dominant’s titles and pronouns. They should have them in their bio and/or their site. For example – I’m Damiana Meade and my pronouns are she/they but when I refer to myself I mostly use they. My partner is Damon and his pronouns are he/him and when he is working as a Dom he prefers to be called Sir. We have friends who are gender neutral and/or trans who use various titles or none at all. Always check before approaching. When in doubt, ask what title the Dominant would like you to use in your greeting with “Hello [name], I saw you [site/profile/post] and really liked it. I would love to discuss being in your service. What title should I call you?” Simple.

Tributes

If the Dominant has a Tribute to DM in their bio and you want to approach – guess what, you have to Tribute. The usual amount is $25 and they will likely have how in their bio whether CashApp or via a site, etc. If you are wary of being scammed by a catfish or a fake Dominant – check their sites, testimonials, or buy a cheaper piece of content they offer. If they don’t have any of this, if their social media is all porn and no pics or the pics all look the same, or are are total bitches without any BDSM knowledge – steer clear. I will have a blog post on how to avoid scams in the near future.

Tributes might be a new concept to some of you. Why would you pay a Dominant before even talking to them? Think of it like going to a club and buying someone you see a drink. Or asking someone at an event if they would like to go for coffee. Its the price of their time, attention, energy to get to know each other.

Side note: DO NOT put anything sexual in the notes when you tribute. Just tribute and if you must go ahead and put your name. That’s it.

Be Up Front

This might be a personal thing for us but we prefer when subs are upfront about things. It might mean our first message from you is a little longer than usual (which catches our attention) but its worth it to not have to chit chat, small talk, beat around the bush.

“Hello Lady Daire, I’m -. I saw your FinDomme Quickie package and loved how it made me feel. Your ability to put me on the floor and get me into that headspace in such a short period of time was amazing. Thank you. I am looking for a longer session with you and saw that you offer chat, phone, and custom videos. I was thinking of getting a package of the three over a three week period. My kinks are Financial Domination, Humiliation, BBW, and feeder. My limits are watersports, scat, blood play, and blackmail. I would love to discuss this with you when you are available.”

This is close to one of the messages I have received recently. Its up front, to the point, and makes me smile. I was more than ready to respond and get us both exactly what we want.

Be Understanding

You’ve approached a pro Dominant. You’ve been respectful and upfront about what you are hoping for. your kinks, your limits, and your budget. Now you may have to wait. A pro Dominant might be a little busy, especially if they’re popular or its a busy time of the week, month, or season (think pay days and holidays).

If your Dominant needs to schedule you out, don’t get upset or ghost. Don’t pester them either. You’re not paying for them to be annoyed with you every time their phone dings to notify them of a message.

These are professionals. They will get to you. If you don’t like how they work, find a different Dominant.